Prize partridge around Media, Mary was also a bad
seed or rebel par excellence. She doped and fucked her
way in divergent directions; got dropped into hospitals;
rode with her assumed husband on a motorbike;
in the parlance of the times, granting complete credulity
to her tales, a wilder riot grrrl never drew breath.
What mattered to me was whether I had her or not.
This remained variable, as Abby also appeared, and both
of us caught viable action on the side. One summer night,
after a brief, mutually adulterous separation, she arrived
by cab to Logan Square, in frilly dress, hair in a bun.
I grabbed her and fucked her on the floor, and that (somehow)
was it— marriage consummated. Even if Mary moaned about
my drug shortages. Love always seemed richer, to her, on Klonopins.
The only one who ever drove me into delirium fits
with jealousy, Mary was. She was adept at being
a little lost sheep, for anyone (curator or not) to salvage
and rescue, if I had displeased her even for a night.
The only one who ever made me weep from pure
obsessive anguish, so that so much of my life became
dramatic, I might as well have been back with the Outlaw
Playwrights. I knew now how to evaluate compositions,
the quirks of colorations, what the Renaissance taught
us about body-soul unity; more importantly, for me, I
knew what body-soul unity meant when an individual
falls in love. I cannot say, the only one I was ever in
love with; but my deepest sense ever was, of love running
in red blood through my veins, out of my pores, into her.
Adam Fieled is a writer based in Philadelphia. His books include Beams, Equations, Opera Bufa, Apparition Poems, and Cheltenham. Manuscripts-in-progress include Something Solid, Curiosities, and Early Work 1996-2006. He edits P.F.S. Post.







.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)


.jpeg)
.jpeg)